Not too long ago I told a young man that I liked him and wanted to get to know him better. Because I'm a pretty transparent and expressive person I found it quite harmless and almost exciting, until the next day. I realized that I had clearly acted impulsively and didn't quite think it through because I hadn't considered how I would feel if/when he responded. Before sharing this with him I thought I had processed it enough to the point where if I didn't get a mutual response that I would be okay. Nope, didn't happen. I thought damage control was necessary but there was nothing left to do but accept what I had done and move on. I didn't quite feel the humiliation until I shared it with another individual in an effort to get some type of emotional support. I already felt a certain kind of way about sharing this information with the young man but the effects of it didn't surface until I spoke with the other individual. The reason why I felt humiliated is because I was so for sure (in my own eyes) that it was the right thing to do, almost thinking that the person felt the same but was just being passive. I felt so justified in my actions although I'm a believer that men should pursue women but I figured that telling him how I felt would be harmless right? Maybe to him but not to me, especially since there was some level of insecurity present but overpowered by a moment of assurance. It was good that I experienced this though because it revealed a condition of my heart with regards to waiting on God to order my steps and direct my paths in this area. It was a lovely moment because I felt God's love and acceptance of this flaw in my soul...and His desire to fix it. So, even though it was humiliating, it was lovely because God was involved!
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
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